where do I start?

I don't know where to begin.  Not at the beginning, since I do have to get up for work tomorrow.  I have to get up for work tomorrow!  That's a good place to begin; how my life and work has changed over this last year.  I still scratch my head at some point during the day as I hear myself say things like 'oh yeah, that's in Thailand' or 'I just moved back from a summer in England'.   Who says that?  Me apparently.  

I love my 'home' country.  When we left on our adventure last Advent season I thought I was moving away for a very long time.  I actually was just moving, and then moving, and then living out of a suitcase, and then spending more time with our suitcases.  We're technically moving, or in the process of moving, STILL.   Currently residing in Nashville, in case you missed our last move.

Moving is an interesting way to spend a year!  Where is this all taking us to?  That would be a natural question; one that I hope to have the answer for one day.  Where did it bring us to?  Or better, what has it given us?  Besides the obvious arm work out, as I have not learned how to pack a bit lighter, yet.  It has reminded me of whose I am.  To whom I belong.  Where I am actually going.  

I have a destiny.  It was made plain to me when I sprinted towards a new country and a new adventure that God made me, and Ethan and gave us the ability and desire to live cross-culturally.  Ethan was reminding me  tonight of the day we went to visit a widow, brought her communion, and did the teenage 'unthinkable'; kissed the woman's cheek as we left.  THAT was a great day, an eternal moment. 

This year was full of ups and downs, joys and despair.  It was full as well with the sense of God drawing nearer to us.  Filling us with hope of things to come and strength not just to run with our bags through 2 terminals at Heathrow international airport.  

So it does feel a bit like we did a bungee cord move around the world and back.  During that time I saw the faithfulness of God, and stoked a growing hunger to know more of his love and to spread more of what I've been given.  Tomorrow I will go to work and see people who need some of the love I've been given, it's not 'missions' but it certainly is the mission field. 

More later, until then I'm singing Handels Messiah 'Comfort ye' http://youtu.be/F3a9N2DTLX8 and reading through an Advent reading from biblegateway.com

What are you up to?  Know that in everything you do, God loves you!

xo

I440 loop around the world

I was driving into the city from Clarksville.  There was a slight detour, and then I missed the merge and ended up going west instead of east.  Ah, but then there was the I440 loop, it goes east.  East pointed me towards home.  I made this mad loop around this little city.  I could've taken Briley Parkway, but I thought going through the city would be faster and I wanted to see downtown. 

 Sometimes I feel like I have made this mad loop around the world.  It's been just 10 months since I moved from Nashville to Thailand, spent the summer in England, and now back in Nashville.   Here's a little preview of our adventure, thanks for coming along for the journey!

Youtube picture video

I have lived some wild dreams

My life has thrown me a few curve balls along the way.  Some that seemed less like a curve and more like a purposeful fowl ball right in the chin.  Life is about living so when these moments come I look to God the source of my life.  I live with the HOPE of things to come; the promises of life.  There are moments when it actually is painful to hope.  Like it's a choice, and choosing Hope over despair or discouragement takes an act of the will that sometimes feels more like pain than pleasure.  There have been moments this year when through heart ache I have chosen hope.  

This morning I woke up with the HOW? running through my mind.  How am I supposed to do this? Again?  My friend said I shouldn't look at this moment in my life as starting over, but as a chance for God to give me better things than I had before.  It feels a lot like starting over; like homelessness; jobless; car-less; starting over.  How am I meant to land back 'home' with none of the 'things' needed to survive that landing?  

I switch to survival mode really quickly.  Fighting mode.  I have a son, I need to provide for and protect him.  I am all he has; I so don't want to screw up... nope, not perfect, or striving for perfection, just looking to add joy to his life.  JOY, we have it in our little family.  At the moment what we have more of is tiredness and a bit of a lingering cough.  

In my mind we were going to go 'home' to Thailand.  Rest would come in our tiny little cottage; finally.  I have spent myself and my time this summer serving almost 2,000 people their dinners.  It's been a long, amazing, and exhausting outreach.  REST was in order, yet it seems the farthest thing from what is about to come to our lives. 

Our plane tickets were changed painlessly from Chiang Mai to Nashville.  I have hope that this transition back to our other 'home' will be just as painless.  God is the source of my hope.  The answer to the questions floating through my mind.  The good Father who has not abandoned me or left us homeless, jobless, or car-less.  

At the moment I don't know a lot of the answers to the HOW???'s, but my heart is at peace.  This week will be spent cultivating this love of God in my heart while resting, packing and discovering our next 'home'.   I have dreamed and lived some wild dreams, so the adventure continues and my heart keeps moving closer into my Father's heart. 

I eagerly await the beginning of next week when God has sorted more of this out!  

Olympic Memories

My love for the Olympics began on a farm in Indiana in front of a 13" black and white TV.  It was 1984, just putting that year down makes me feel a bit old; but that was the first year the Olympics stick out in my memory.  They were being held in LA and America was pretty excited.  My family was really excited.  There were a number of reasons of course for the building excitement. 

 First we had a family rule that we would only watch Lawrence Welk; Animal Kingdom; and any sporting event on Sunday afternoons.  I'm not sure how my parents were able to enforce such a strict rule, but they did.  Most of the Sunday afternoon sports watching was really boring!  I remember trying with my younger brother to be interested in golf, we'd never seen the sport in real life, and never quite got it, or the scoring in tennis.  Never the less there we were every Sunday hoping for something more interesting than the week before; basketball and football seasons went down well.  When the Olympics were on, however, we could watch TV all the time.  Wow!  What an amazing turn of events in our young minds.  Watching sports during the week; all week long access to the TV.  We were thrilled, and well entertained. 

 It wasn't just watching the sport, it was also a sense of patriotism for our country and standing by our USA flag with honor as one of our home team obtained a gold medal.  

My love for the nations continued to expand during these Olympic games as well.  I think being exposed to seeing national flags and hearing and seeing their fans made an impression.  

The second main and most thrilling reason at the time to love the Olympics in my house was McDonald's.  I know now it's not actual food, and Ethan and I basically never go there, attempt to never go there and have at points made rules forbidding our family from eating there.  This was the 1980's, so there may have been actual food in the food served?  

I grew up on a farm.  We grew the food we ate.  Being a family of 7 and living with my Grandparents making our numbers around the dinner table a big number 9 we simply didn't go out to eat.  EVER!  Well, maybe we got to go to my Dad's business meetings, but rarely.  Eating out was a HUGE treat.  

In 1984 for every gold, silver or bronze medal the USA team won McDonald's gave away food.  It was free food.  So we went, got a burger, peeled off the sticker to find out what else we could get for free.  I think it started from an ad in the paper.  I don't know if the McDonald's in Decatur, IN knew what hit them, but it was our BIG family.  My brother and I would camp around the TV, holding onto our McDonald's coupons.  Sometimes we were routing for the home team, because it was an exciting match.  Other times we would be sitting there watching to see what kind of food we would be entitled to at McDonald's if the USA would just win.  

To this almost 9 year old girl it was a magical season.  We couldn't wait for the next Olympics.  We had tasted the freedom of TV access and McDonald's fries.  Our lives would never be the same.  

This Olympic season I'm actually at the Olympics.  I didn't get into the paid events, but got to see the triathlon go past Buckingham Palace(!).  The draw for me was not about McDonald's coupons or getting to watch TV all week long.  It was about the part of my curiosity for the nations that grew from seeing those flags and people during those early Olympic memories.  

I think that in some ways the coming together of the nations even for sporting events gets God really excited.  It's like a foretaste of heaven and what's to come for Christians.  There have been so many teams representing the nations coming through to share the love and holiness of God to the nations that have gathered to celebrate life and achievement in the Olympics.  

Watching from the vantage point of someone who's serving a bit in the background has been really exciting.  It's like I have become a fan; encouraging; feeding and investing in lives who are bearing Christ's witness on the streets of London. 

For more on the some of the testimonies coming out of these outreach teams here's a link: http://www.forever2012.com/   

Now, I'm off to order some more food; people must eat!  The Olympics outreaches are almost over, pray that we finish well. 

* 

I'd like to be blogging

Some days when so much has happened I just want to collect my thoughts and tell you the story.  Like amazing funny and sometimes benign stories.  I should be writing it down. I really should be writing something down.  

The thing that I have been doing instead of blogging is ordering food.  LOADS, literally coming by semi load, of food.  So, about the time I've begun to collect my thoughts I remember that I totally forgot to order fruit for lunch tomorrow, or I think about that empty place in the pantry and try to remember that one item I keep forgetting to reorder.  It's a whole different game when you run out of fruit and serving 600 rather than just 2!

There have been some really amazing, I mean amazing things happen through our summer.  I'll write about it later.  In the meantime, keep praying for Ethan and I as we're spending our summer serving the Olympic outreach teams.  It has been our personal marathon in some ways.  I spend about 60 hours/week in the kitchen prepping, ordering, and serving food.  It's physically exhausting most days.  On the plus side, people are hearing about Jesus and I'm still losing weight with all the moving around.  

For now, enjoy these stories from the Outreach as told by others :)
www.forever2012.com

Silence will fall

Silence.


We had been talking about driving in England, the wrong side of the road; like in Thailand.  Conversation went to riding motorcycle in Thailand and how life threatening that feels like at times.  It was a bit of a walk to church, and so the conversations went on. 


Sitting in the sanctuary in silence felt really good.  There was the occasional squeaking of the chair as someone adjusted their position.  Ethan was starting to play with his breathing; going faster, then slower.  He could hear himself breathe, what a novelty. 


This was just my second time at a Quaker service.  These Friends of Jesus do silence really well.  It was something that I was longing for.  This sitting with others anticipating God to move and speak.  They do it so gracefully and with such a sense of longing for God; to know Him; to wait on Him.  


The week had been quite full, which had followed a stack of quite full weeks.  Orientation into the YWAM family, figuring quantities of food for large teams; shopping lists; rechecking budgets; meetings, and then more meetings; and then if I'm honest a few more meetings.   There was a lot of speaking thinking and re-connecting.  


Silence is luxurious!  


In the stillness God spoke.  He's whispering into my heart about his love, I respond with my longing for even more.  It's all in these silent moments that spaces of my soul are touched.  My eyes are tearing up, the tenderness of Gods words are echoing in my heart and like a balm to a wound they are healing me.  


Ethan is beside me turning the pages of his Bible.  Handing it to me he starts to play on my iPod; it's been about 45 minutes now.  I don't really want the time to end too quickly.  I lean over to Ethan and ask him if God has been saying things to him; he nods; and goes back to slaying those smiley pigs.


I turn the Bible to a verse that was shared with me this week; Philippians 1:9-11.
I pray that your love will keep on growing more and more, together with true knowledge and perfect judgement, so that you will be able to choose what is best. Then you will be free from all impurity and blame on the Day of Christ.  Your lives will be filled with the truly good qualities which only Jesus Christ can produce, for the glory and praise of God.


That's what this silent moment is about for me.  Growing in love with God.  Stillness as a means of growth; great practice of Sabbath rest!


The silence ends with the shaking of hands.  We share a meal; and walk home talking about prayer and positioning ourselves to hear and receive from God.  The silence was wonderful for my soul; and so now my prayer for you is that you also grow in your love for God, that you will keep growing, and that his constant pursuing will meet you in every moment.

reflecting as I retell

Obviously there has been a lot happen in my life since I last saw my friends here in England.  The story usually begins with the most traumatic bit, and then the details don't get much better until later on.  Not everyone has time for the full telling; and I couldn't give every detail every time.  It's a story based in my reality, from my vantage point on this side of Gods understanding of me in eternity.  


What I will tell is one of my main life lessons; FORGIVENESS.  I remember growing up hearing the Bible story of the disciples asking Jesus how many times must they forgive someone, and then doing the math as to what number 70 x 7 would equal.  It seemed important to do exactly that number in my mind.  The point Jesus was making was that we're to forgive everyone every time without hesitation. 


Forgiveness is meant to be simple, not an act of contrition from the one your holding unforgiveness towards, but your own hearts forgiveness and release of that person from their sin (felt or real).   It's sometimes easy to forgive a person of that one thing, the one event.  The thing is there's those thoughts that keep coming back and accusing them of all the little failures, the things that should've been or what could've been.  Those are for me sometimes harder to recognize and forgive.  I will hear myself thinking 'if only'; and it's like a bell going off (eventually) that I need to forgive for even that small thing, or big thing.  It's so my heart can be released from the despair, anger, or grief that I feel around that thought.  MY HEART was not designed to hold despair, anger, and grief!  Forgiveness is a way of flushing my heart of those things that will destroy me.  THEY would destroy me!   


In Song of Solomon 2:15 it says: 
Catch the foxes^[e] for us,
    the little foxes
that spoil the vineyards,
     for our vineyards are in blossom.

 I think it's talking about capturing our thoughts, for this lesson that even means releasing forgiveness in my thoughts.  This kind of lifestyle I think leads to the life more abundantly that God has promised us.  I think it begins in our hearts surrender to Gods design in extending forgiveness to everyone every time.   Nope, it doesn't sound easy, but wow! when I finally give in to it it's life giving and adds such peace and hope to my life.  

I love that God has allowed us to serve again in England, it's bringing a lot of good things back to our lives, more on that later.  I'm listening to this & enjoying the last bit of the song, singing back to God.

http://youtu.be/_IVF8BG6Grc

Stardate 15/06/2055

The day we left was meant to be simple.  Everything was basically packed except the pillows.  So why was I running around sweating at the last minute trying to close these bags?  It was just one of those days, when simple things take up longer and more complicating spaces of time.  Our friends were around helping.  Running the cats to their house for the summer 'Foster care' program.  Loading the plants off so they won't die while we're gone.  Finding the shampoo and condiments those last items that are needed, but needed to disappear before we locked up the house.  

At the airport I my landlord was calling... 'no, I left the key on the table'.  Ethan pulls a key from his pocket, he didn't think we meant to leave it behind.  Thankfully there's a post office in the airport & my landlord thought it was wild and astonishing that I was at the airport sending it to him, like maybe I was staying in Chiang Mai?  It was done, last of the strings tied up, I hope.  

It was a long layover in Bangkok.  We pulled out Ethan's new movies, and settled into some comfy couches for the duration.  I booked our seats so that Ethan had a window and I sat on the aisle hoping that no one would book the middle seat.  It worked!  There was space :)  Ethan is now pretty much my height, so it's much different traveling with him than when he was 4 and would just curl up on my lap.  He was sleeping by take off, and stayed asleep for 10 of the 12 hours in flight.  I watched a movie, and fell asleep too.  I NEVER sleep on planes, but slept for 5 hours maybe a bit more.  

We arrived early into Heathrow.  I went to M&S got some raspberries and milk for Ethan.  It's so fun to be back in this country.  To see things that are familiar and remember our life here.  Getting to the Oval (YWAM base) was even more amazing.  I love seeing old friends and meeting new faces.  

I think the summer will be wild and amazing, I keep saying that over and over.  God brought us here safely and I'm thankful. 

New levels of TRUST

I now drive a motorcycle; which is thrilling and scary most of the time.  It's a Honda, small little thing, but I can go pretty fast :)  There's times like today when I'm on a 'super high-way' and cars pull out right in front of me that I have to trust my brakes, or my steering.  It's a region filled with other motorcycles weaving in and out of traffic, and taking front row at the stop lights.  Life has gotten a lot simpler since my classmates loaned it to me, and I'm sure I've had a lot more adrenaline rushing through my system.  I do sometimes miss the invincible feeling I had when I drove 'Big Red' a 3/4 ton pick-up, but I'm learning to trust my ability to get around.


In my spiritual life I have had to also grow in my areas of trust.  My first big step into missions work came 4 days after a major missions conference, and an invitation to join a team in Honduras.  I felt God said 'go' and so I went.  I took off from Chicago during a major snowstorm, one connection later I was landing, alone in Central America.  This was my third international voyage; I was 18.  When I left Chicago I didn't know who would be meeting me at the airport, so I made a sign from the markers in my bag that colorfully read 'YWAM'.  I made it off the plane onto the tarmac, cleared customs, and saw only non-westerners everywhere I looked.  Holding my little sign I was beginning to feel anxious, again, when a friendly face greeted me.  Relief washed over me, and I went on to have one of the more interesting foreign adventures of my career.  


This week I get to grow in trusting God again.  Do you ever wish you could just repeat an old exercise with God?  I would love to just be hopping on a plane to a new destination to meet a team, build homes, and minister to children & the poor.  If I'm honest though, I know that my current more difficult than I think I can handle situation; will keep me desperately seeking God.  It's in the desperate moments that I grow, and I love growth.  I won't groan about this too much longer, I know that I'm being prepared for something, and I have hope that each step made trusting God will bring me closer to Him.  


So, God I trust you again with my life and Ethan's life.  I trust that the destiny you have laid out for us is good and full of hope.  AND I am so glad that we are moving forward, out of unbelief and into more faith.  I am thankful that even though I can't see the path ahead, you are there, guiding me with your eye.  Talk about a walk of faith, so glad to be on it with you.     


Proverbs 3:5-6 has been my life verse ever since my Dad raised the question in the early dusky morning hours while I was half awake.  It's a good verse, so when he asked me what my favorite verse was, this was my answer.  Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.  God is trustworthy, looking forward to seeing what he does in this situation, and also in my heart.


Praying you feel God ever present with you today, and in your journey to trusting him more!

A day of new beginnings

We had come 'home' to Tennessee. Our time in England had come to a natural end, and I found myself looking forward to being among the familiarity of home. We had rented a duplex from Mark, and were about to join his work supporting people in Asia. The shipping container with all our earthly goods was about to arrive, so for now we were 'camping' in an almost empty trailer home on the YWAM base in Adams, TN.

I was so happy. Looking forward to catching up with old friends. Seeing familiar places. Getting to shop at Target and eat Taco Bell. There was in me a sense of relief. Like I could breathe in the joy of my surroundings, and recoup from our last international move. I was anticipating tea parties with all the china I brought back, and long conversations about all that God had done in showing me his beauty in the English culture.

April 15th was a Wednesday, so we were off to staff meeting. The base welcomed us back with open arms, and we shared about our next steps. At the end of the meeting our base directors, life long friends, pulled us aside. They had a few visitors on the base from the FBI, and they had come to ask questions about us. I could see in my friends eyes an intensity of pain and concern. I didn't understand that at the time. In my mind the last trip to Africa and his run in with some government officials there may be why they were looking for us. It was of course tax day too, but I did our taxes early that year, so that couldn't be why.

He looked a bit panicked as we left, asked if we should leave our computer at the base for safe keeping. As we drove down the driveway out of the YWAM base all I could think of was how many dreams we'd spoken and prayed into on that drive, and here we were again embarking on a new portion of Gods calling for us.

He was griping my hand funny on the armrest between us. It wasn't how we held hands, so I asked him if he thought it was about the Africa trip, or if he knew what the FBI could be after. In my mind there was nothing I was guilty of, or involved with. He said something about internet issues, but nothing else. I felt perplexed by the whole growing situation. I was running events through my mind, kind of scanning memories, but found nothing of interest. Why was the FBI on the YWAM base, and why was his face becoming more and more panicked?

We arrived at the trailer and shortly after three unmarked cars followed. He ran out to the porch, but I heard them say they needed to only talk to me. There wasn't much to offer my way of hospitality, but I offered coffee, and a slightly broken chair.

My life was given a new beginning that day. I had one of those shocking out of body experiences. That out of body feeling lasted for quite a long time. It's still a bit unthinkable what was described to me. I often hesitate to share the whole story with new friends simply because of how hard it is to hear, and then the testimony of God I need to give afterwards.

I point to the disciples at this point. They were 12 of Jesus' best friends. They lived this wandering nomadic type life and shared some pretty wild and amazing things together. There was one who was trusted, loved, and yet was willing to betray for a moment of greedy pleasure. He intimately betrayed Jesus and his friends. He used a kiss, a symbol of intimacy, to hand Jesus life over to his executioners.

I feel that in a way I was like the disciples. Totally unaware that the intimate relationship that started for me when I was 17, was a tool that the thief (satan) was using to betray and destroy me. It was a tool because of the sin my husband entered into, and so willingly enjoyed rather than keeping his covenant with me. John 10:10 says: The thief comes to steal and kill and destroy. In the Message it ends with: I came so that they can have real and eternal life; more and better life than they ever dreamed.

Somehow the disciples went out in the power of love to transform nations and begin the early church. This is what I dream of. My life is still about reaching the unreached, and sharing the good news of the gospel to as many as will hear. I have seriously walked through the 'valley of death'. I found there grace and peace and a whole lot more of God than I ever imagined. New beginnings don't always look the way they do in movies, or wrap up neatly in a 1/2 hour segment. God promises to make all things new.. thanks for sharing this journey with me! I cannot wait to share more of what God's doing along the way :)

Deuteronomy 30:8-9

And you will make a new start, listening obediently to God, keeping all his commandments that I'm commanding you today. God, your God, will outdo himself in making things go well for you

Forgetting the refills...

It's amazing to me sometimes how quickly things like toilet roll and dishwashing liquid run out. I use them everyday, but never really think about restocking until we're in the red-zone of having none left. There's moments when I'm fully stocked, have all the aluminum foil I'd ever need, right now it's on the list of red zone items :) There is a little shop around the corner that has all the essentials, and in my town there's a 'cash & carry'; think Asian version of Sam's club, so no reason not to stock up.

Refills also need to happen for my daily spiritual walk. I live and work in ministry. My main purpose is to share Christ and his HOPE with other people. I am to be known by my love demonstrated, in action, and in rest.

This year I set out to read the Bible in one year. There's a great plan from biblegateway.com that actually sends an email each day with the few chapters from the Old and New Testament. When I read them, then I delete the email, and know that I've read that days word. There are some days when I simply don't take the time. I'm sure I get on my computer every day, but I check Face Book, or my 'urgent' emails first.

I catch up eventually on the days that were missed. I find myself wondering why I would ever have skipped reading the Bible in the first place. There is so much inspiration, depth and life in the Bible. It's literally the WORD of God.

There's a refilling of my soul that happens when I open up the Bible. There's so much to learn and observe through the words and life examples. It takes so little time to actually read a whole book, or just the few chapters in my reading plan. This is a discipline that adds to who I am, and makes me become more of who I want to be.

Today I did a word search on biblegateway.com for the word BLESSED and the word CONNECTED. Deuteronomy 28:1-12 came up under the word blessed, and what an amazing promise for everyone who actually does what God asks. The word connected came up with a few odd references to giving the priest the meat that was connected to the entrails; interesting. I love the Bible! Where else can you get this kind of life and entertainment?

So, I'm refilled for today. Tomorrow I will need to get that aluminum foil (it could happen), and crack open the Bible.

Colossians 3:16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.

got stuck in my throat

It happened twice this week.

The first was a market trip with Ethan and a few friends. We had waded through at least an acre of fabric; more than I'd seen in my life. There was Chiang Mai Plastics where every type of craft supply, well mostly, could be found. Thai clothing stalls and woman squatting next to them creating as they waited for the next sale. Lunch had been at an oasis in the middle of this market. A tea shop with a lovely garden and a ham & cheese sandwich. It had been a day of discovery as we sampled and took in some of the delights of this downtown market. The day was coming to a close. Coconut 'ice cream' was being enjoyed and we were going to take a quick look at the flower market.

Crossing the street was hazardous, there was a bit of a push of people, motorbikes and mayhem. I was paying attention to the path ahead.

"Mom"

It's the word that catches my attention no matter the distractions.

"Mom, we have to help him."

There he was in the narrow path into the 'fish' area of the market. A blind man holding a silver tin handled cup in both hands. He was singing.

So, we stop.

We notice.

Ethan's now gone to his compassionate plea, "Mom, what can I give him?" "Are these coins enough?" "Who takes care of this man?"

This moment was stuck in my throat.

The momentum of the crowd is carrying us forward. Past the fish mongers and now we're praying "Lord, have mercy on this man. Heal his eyes, care for his soul."

Ethan wants to head upstairs out of the way of people and begins asking more about this one soul. This is not compassion that's taught. This is a gift to see and be moved to action.

The moments stuck in my throat again.

We're on to the flower market, everything is beauty. Ethan's pointing out some flowers for one of our friends. It's as if when compassion was awakened by the one soul then other souls become more special as well.

There was one more beggar found, which cleaned me out of my change. Ethan was proud to find them, and give what we had away. It was a great market experience, may stay lodged in my throat a little longer.

The second moment with something stuck in my throat was this evening. It was Mexican night here. It's not a small task to do that kind of food well here. I had soaked the beans overnight, shipped a bag of Masa, shredded cheese, made the salsa; and baked this beautiful taco pie. This was a meal that's more a labor of love than most. We even had chocolate cake. I'm teaching our neighbors daughter the art of baking. Meal complete, now on to the bike ride.

Riding bikes has become our evening ritual. Ethan and I talk about everything from super hero's and smog, to Thai language and God. I love these times as a family. We were just passing Ethan's favorite part of our route. I had my arms up and was doing a bit of woohooing. That's when it got stuck in my throat again. It must have been a fairly large bug with a will to live. I felt it pass my lips, and then lodge itself on my gag reflex. At first I wasn't breathing right. I tried to signal Ethan, but he had kept going in the moment, and was too far ahead. I made it another block. Slammed my bike kick stand in place and then made several failed attempts at releasing the bug before I finally released it along with my dinner.

Two moments drastically different, probably both types will happen again. I'm praying that when the compassion wells up in Ethan's heart again we'll have more to give. More coins? Maybe, but more of Jesus, for sure. How cool would it have been if while we were praying the man was cured of his blindness? How can we impart more of the kingdom of God into the obvious needs of people around us? I think it starts from moments spent with God. Time listening to His words over our lives, time invested into reading the Bible. Holiness and intimacy with God; leads to wholeness, intimacy and satisfaction in life.

writing for work & then God showed up :)

My team is hosting a Global Congress on business as mission next year. There are so many ways that God is using Biblical business practice to impact people in a way that 'the church' may never see. It's exciting when God crosses lines; like the way we try to separate our church life from our work life; and just loves and saves people in the 9-5 world.

In the beginning God began creating the first models for good business practice. There are littered throughout the writings of the Torah (the first 5 books of the Bible) examples and promises given to good business practice. We listen to God through scripture and see how he detests dishonesty in our dealings.

Let’s look at Deuteronomy 25: 13-16 (NIV) 13 Do not have two differing weights in your bag—one heavy, one light. 14 Do not have two differing measures in your house—one large, one small. 15 You must have accurate and honest weights and measures, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you. 16 For the LORD your God detests anyone who does these things, anyone who deals dishonestly.

It’s not the way of ‘the law’ to simply set limits and boundaries just so we struggle to keep up with them, or feel fear towards our Creator. These scriptures were meant to show the love and concern God has in our daily lives, in our daily practices.

Irish Proverb's, couldn't resist.. Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Enjoy these Irish Proverbs!

"Nil aon tintean mar do thintean fein."
There's no fireside like your own fireside.

Never bolt the door with a boiled carrot.

Man is incomplete until he marries. After that, he is finished.

What butter and whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for.

Three things come without asking: fear, jealousy, and love.

It is sweet to drink but bitter to pay for.

Idleness is a fool's desire.

Good luck beats early rising.

If a cat had a dowry, she would often be kissed.

To the raven her own chick is white.

Everyone praises his native land.

"Coimhéad fearg fhear na foighde"
Beware of the anger of a patient man.

A diplomat must always think twice before he says nothing.

A heavy purse makes for a light heart.

Those who get the name of rising early may lie all day.

A lie travels further than the truth.

Marriages are all happy. It's having breakfast together that causes all the trouble.

A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest.

A scholars ink lasts longer than a martyrs blood.

If you want an audience start a fight.

Don't break your shin on a stool that is not in your way.

If you dig a grave for others, you might fall into it yourself.

What will come from the briar but the berry.

"Meallan muilte dé go mall ach meallan siad go mion."
God's mill may grind slowly, but it grinds finely.

"Dafheabhas e an t-ol is e an tart a dheireadh."
Good as drink is, it ends in thirst.

A poem ought to be well made at first, for there is many a one to spoil it afterwards.

The Irish forgive their great men when they are safely buried.

A change of work is as good as a rest.

A good retreat is better than a bad stand.

"Ní bhíonn airgead amadáin i bhfad ina phóca"
A fool's money is not long in his pocket.

"Ní thagann ciall roimh aois"
Sense does not come before age.

"Níor bhris focal maith fiacail riamh"
A good word never broke a tooth.

Drink is the curse of the land. It makes you fight with your neighbor. It makes you shoot at your landlord and it makes you miss him.

A spender gets the property of the hoarder.

"Is maith an t-anlann an t-ocras."
Hunger is the best sauce.

"Is minic a bhris beal duine a shron."
It's often a person's mouth breaks his nose.

"Is beo duine gan a chairde ach ni beo duine gan a phiopa."
One may live without one's friends, but not without one's pipe.

Never tell secrets to your relatives' children.

The three sharpest eyes are a blacksmith on a nail, a priest on his parish and a young girl on a boy.

Put a beggar on a horse and he'll ride it to hell.

Cheerfulness is a sign of wisdom.

"Maireann croi eadrom i bhfad."
A merry heart lives long.

"Dafheabhas e an t-ol is e an tart a dheireadh."
Good as drink is, it ends in thirst.

You've got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your father was.

Both your friend and your enemy think you will never die.

It's not a delay to stop and sharpen the scythe.

Only the rich can afford compassion.

A widow and her money are soon courted.

There's many a ship lost within sight of the harbor.

The dog that's always on the go is better than one that's always curled up.

Listen to the sound of the river and you will get a trout.

It is a long road that has no turning.

An ounce of breeding is worth a pound of feeding.
- Horse racing expression meaning that thoroughbreds are born and not made.

The day will come when the cow will have use for her tail.

May you live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live.

Necessity knows no law.

Christmas Proverbs

"Téann an saol thart mar a bheadh eiteoga air, agus cuireann gach aon Nollaig bliain eile ar do ghualainn."
Life goes as quickly as if it had wings, and each Christmas places another year on your shoulders.

"Bia is deoch i gcomhair na Nollag; éadach nua i gcomhair na Cásca."
Eat and drink on Christmas – for Easter new clothing.

"Putóga dubha na bliana, ó Nollaig go Lá Fhéile Bríde."
From Christmas day until St. Bridgit’s feast is the darkest part of the year.

"Nollaig ghlas, reilig mhéith.
A green Christmas brings a full graveyard.

Is úr iad broibh go Nollaig."
Grass stalks stay fresh until Christmas

"Tuor maith don athbhliain na píobairí teallaigh a chloisteáil Lá Nollag."
Hearing crickets on Christmas is a good omen for the new year.

"Aifreann na Gine, Aifreann agus fiche."
One midnight Mass is worth twenty-one regular Masses

Today is the day...

Sitting at the local cafe, I'd finished my language lesson early and found myself with just 10 minutes before I needed to leave to pick my friend up from the airport. My brain is a bit scrambled with the new language. My thoughts had also been a bit consumed with getting the spare room set up, and the house ready to receive. Both had been monumental, but there I was ready with 10 minutes to spare.

All I wanted was to be with God, to steal back the time that can so easily slip past. There is in me this desire just to be with Him. I was feeling like maybe I needed to do more. I know I've moved all the way around the world to be a missionary, but sometimes there's a wonder if there's more I should do. (yes this is my own crazy, don't worry, God did speak to this, read on)

Growing up in a Christian family taught me a lot about the practice and disciplines. One of my favorites is reading the 5 Psalms and Proverb that corresponds to todays date. For instance today I would read Psalm 13, 43, 73, 103, 133 and Proverbs 13. So I seized the moment, and read Psalm 13. Verse 5-6 captured me, so I'll share... But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me. Yeah, so God just highlighted my responsibility; what is it I have to do? Trust, rejoice, and sing. God's responsibility is to love, save, and give bounty. AHHHHHH, ok!

Trust: lean into God's mercy for your life. Rejoice: encourage yourself and speak to your heart that there is so much to be thankful for. Sing: make up songs in the shower, while driving to work, about the ones you love, and the ones who love you. Enjoy being encircled by a loving saving and gracious Father. Looking forward to stealing back some more time, THAT was a great 10 minutes.

It was a very tender crust...

We have here in Thailand something called 'butter blend'. It has some milk product in it, somewhere. It's probably most like what would happen if you blended vegetable shortening with actual butter. It has a bit of a funny taste, and it spits at you if you try to fry it, even in a cheese toasty. The cookies turn out great, BUT the pastry, oh my, it's beautiful. If you cut through the whole block of 'butter blend' it crumbles on top of itself, so imagine what that would be like when added to flour and a rolling pin.

I was making a quiche for a welcome 'tea'. I have this huge quiche pan, so let's just say the edges looked a bit like a patchwork quilt rather than a quiche crust. It all baked perfectly, and I served an amazingly flakey crust that I was immensely proud of.

It happened that at the same time I was feeling a bit tender. Circumstances were difficult and I was beginning to wear worry like a favorite tee. There are times when it really feels like 'home' and everyone we love is half a world a way. Well, you are, but then there comes a more desperate moment, and the reminder is right in my face. I felt quite a lot like the crust; rolled a bit thin, and about to break momentarily.

Then I got really sick. I thought it was food poisoning, initially, but it took me out for a week. This was when I was meant to be really busy with work. I was part of a team hosting a business as mission training. I was meant to cook meals, and be involved. I was, however, lying in bed, and getting more acquainted with the loo.

So, what I was feeling was a bit broken, and then totally useless.

Except for me, sometimes getting sick is a good thing. It makes me stop, and there’s a rest that comes with it that heals my body, and in this case my soul too.

In the silence that came during rest God spoke to me. It’s a quiet comfort that he gives lovingly and extravagantly. An awakening of my heart to the awareness of God in me and around me. God not just as my burden bearer, but the one who also carries me forward into a greater understanding of his love. This love that people have tried to capture on paper, but fail to simply because it’s bigger than words or understanding. It’s love that I can touch and feel, and it brings a distracting intimacy.

So, the sickness ended, thankfully, and the worry tee has been put away. God loves me tenderly, and tenderly draws me to repent of carrying the worries of our lives, and then gives me a bigger glimpse of his love. What a beautiful view!

This is the song that has been ‘playing’ in the back of my mind, enjoy!

O the deep, deep love of Jesus

God is real, life has value

I was sitting in class. The teacher, an older Englishman; was telling stories from his experiences in an orphanage in Cambodia. This young girl had been sold at 3 years old for just $10, and then a second time for $100. She now lived in a group home, recovering from a life of sexual abuse, she was now 6 years old. He told how when he passed her in the hall that she immediately lifted her skirt, it was what she knew of men. It was her expectation.

Another story of a boat arriving from Nigeria to the Netherlands. There were 100 girls on board. It is expected that 1/3 of them would make it to the brothels. 1/3 would find themselves homeless on the streets, and the last 1/3... they would be killed and their organs sold. This is the very brutal reality of human trafficking.

God is real, life has value.

I wanted to throttle someone, or to cry out loud.

Then he started a short 'movie'. It was actually the passion of the Christ set to Amazing Grace. I didn't want to watch it. I don't like gorey movies, and I was ready to close my eyes, but something inside of me said look on. So I did. It was horrible. There was blood everywhere, his Mother, his friends, those that mocked. The carnage that went on was intense, overwhelming. There was in me this pit of the stomach feeling. Christ death was ugly, brutal, and hard to 'watch'.

It was for me. It is my sin that drove Jesus to die. His intense love for me. It's not that life in general has value. It's that there's an intimate cry from God that my life, as a particular individual has deepest and most passionate love value. I am loved by my Maker. YOU are loved, and worth every moment of Christ's passionate pursuit.

God is real, life has value. Here's the video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbYLvgQwtGI

a Facebook story.. may need a new washing machine...

Yesterday I took my laundry across the Mu-baahn (neighborhood) to my friends to wash. I drive a bike, currently; so had it laying across my handlebars in a big bag. This morning on my run I was passing a busy corner leading to our street. There's construction on the corner, a lady waiting for a bus, I wave and nod. THEN I see my underwear, yep, right there on the street. Right on the corner. I think for a moment about leaving it behind, but can't. I turn around, now have the full attention of the people around me, and I pick up my underwear. It's always a humbling experience, sharing laundry at a friends, but now I've also shared my laundry with my neighbors, random construction workers, and passersby. Proud, proud day :)

la premiere

What to say first? I have so many stories running through my mind, and sharing them will be my delight. I hope that you enjoy this journey with me!

My verses for 2012 are Psalm 37: 3-7 I can't wait to unpack these words, and what I learn through them, so here they are...

³Trust (lean on, rely on, and be confident) in the Lord and do good; so shall you dwell in the land and feed surely on His faithfulness, and truly you shall be fed.

⁴Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart.

⁵Commit your way to the Lord [roll and repose each care of your load on Him]; trust (lean on, rely on, and be confident) also in Him and He will bring it to pass.

⁶And He will make your uprightness and right standing with God go forth as the light, and your justice and right as [the shining sun of] the noonday.

⁷Be still and rest in the Lord; wait for Him and patiently lean yourself upon Him