My life has thrown me a few curve balls along the way. Some that seemed less like a curve and more like a purposeful fowl ball right in the chin. Life is about living so when these moments come I look to God the source of my life. I live with the HOPE of things to come; the promises of life. There are moments when it actually is painful to hope. Like it's a choice, and choosing Hope over despair or discouragement takes an act of the will that sometimes feels more like pain than pleasure. There have been moments this year when through heart ache I have chosen hope.
This morning I woke up with the HOW? running through my mind. How am I supposed to do this? Again? My friend said I shouldn't look at this moment in my life as starting over, but as a chance for God to give me better things than I had before. It feels a lot like starting over; like homelessness; jobless; car-less; starting over. How am I meant to land back 'home' with none of the 'things' needed to survive that landing?
I switch to survival mode really quickly. Fighting mode. I have a son, I need to provide for and protect him. I am all he has; I so don't want to screw up... nope, not perfect, or striving for perfection, just looking to add joy to his life. JOY, we have it in our little family. At the moment what we have more of is tiredness and a bit of a lingering cough.
In my mind we were going to go 'home' to Thailand. Rest would come in our tiny little cottage; finally. I have spent myself and my time this summer serving almost 2,000 people their dinners. It's been a long, amazing, and exhausting outreach. REST was in order, yet it seems the farthest thing from what is about to come to our lives.
Our plane tickets were changed painlessly from Chiang Mai to Nashville. I have hope that this transition back to our other 'home' will be just as painless. God is the source of my hope. The answer to the questions floating through my mind. The good Father who has not abandoned me or left us homeless, jobless, or car-less.
At the moment I don't know a lot of the answers to the HOW???'s, but my heart is at peace. This week will be spent cultivating this love of God in my heart while resting, packing and discovering our next 'home'. I have dreamed and lived some wild dreams, so the adventure continues and my heart keeps moving closer into my Father's heart.
I eagerly await the beginning of next week when God has sorted more of this out!
He is your Peace. We'll be praying for giant amounts of salve and Holy Spirit ointment to be poured over you as you fly and gather your "things". He is LORD. Joy comes in the morning. We love you.
ReplyDeleteMatthew 6:30-34 came to mind after reading this.
ReplyDelete30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
31 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."
God knows your needs and He is faithful to provide for His sheep. May you continue to find peace and strength in Him in the days ahead!!
You will be in my prayers!!