It was a very tender crust...

We have here in Thailand something called 'butter blend'. It has some milk product in it, somewhere. It's probably most like what would happen if you blended vegetable shortening with actual butter. It has a bit of a funny taste, and it spits at you if you try to fry it, even in a cheese toasty. The cookies turn out great, BUT the pastry, oh my, it's beautiful. If you cut through the whole block of 'butter blend' it crumbles on top of itself, so imagine what that would be like when added to flour and a rolling pin.

I was making a quiche for a welcome 'tea'. I have this huge quiche pan, so let's just say the edges looked a bit like a patchwork quilt rather than a quiche crust. It all baked perfectly, and I served an amazingly flakey crust that I was immensely proud of.

It happened that at the same time I was feeling a bit tender. Circumstances were difficult and I was beginning to wear worry like a favorite tee. There are times when it really feels like 'home' and everyone we love is half a world a way. Well, you are, but then there comes a more desperate moment, and the reminder is right in my face. I felt quite a lot like the crust; rolled a bit thin, and about to break momentarily.

Then I got really sick. I thought it was food poisoning, initially, but it took me out for a week. This was when I was meant to be really busy with work. I was part of a team hosting a business as mission training. I was meant to cook meals, and be involved. I was, however, lying in bed, and getting more acquainted with the loo.

So, what I was feeling was a bit broken, and then totally useless.

Except for me, sometimes getting sick is a good thing. It makes me stop, and there’s a rest that comes with it that heals my body, and in this case my soul too.

In the silence that came during rest God spoke to me. It’s a quiet comfort that he gives lovingly and extravagantly. An awakening of my heart to the awareness of God in me and around me. God not just as my burden bearer, but the one who also carries me forward into a greater understanding of his love. This love that people have tried to capture on paper, but fail to simply because it’s bigger than words or understanding. It’s love that I can touch and feel, and it brings a distracting intimacy.

So, the sickness ended, thankfully, and the worry tee has been put away. God loves me tenderly, and tenderly draws me to repent of carrying the worries of our lives, and then gives me a bigger glimpse of his love. What a beautiful view!

This is the song that has been ‘playing’ in the back of my mind, enjoy!

O the deep, deep love of Jesus