What are you doing for the holidays?

It's a pretty common question. One that's been biting at me lately. Actually the one that has me bawling like a school girl. A lot 

So, today it was there again, and my emotions were spilling over in grand form. That's when I asked myself why? 

Well, Thanksgiving was with my parents, who are in heaven at their own banqueting table. 

When we lived abroad it was with a community, and I cook, so we'd host everyone we could. 

My expectation was that I would have a big family. Four kids. That dream was from my childhood and I didn't get what I wanted. 

Whoa.. So there it was this root of anger or bitterness or a bit of both? I didn't get what I wanted. My expectations weren't met. It was the pain pressing against my desire that was causing agony instead of adventure. I had just been applauding myself for my ability to forgive. I hadn't forgiven. There's more to forgive & let God heal. 

There's more to forgive and let God heal!! 

So the answer is, I will be watching the Macy's parade; just like every year. Ethan will complain about how long it is & I'll say that its tradition, and I love it. We'll eat turkey and while decorating for Christmas we'll watch National Lampoons Christmas Vacation. I don't know where or who we'll be with. Guess what? It'll be good because I'll be a bit more free from the unforgiveness that has tried to rob me of the anticipation of a great season. 

God's greatest gift is eternal life, live well friends.