In love with the ancient LOVE

Go God!

I have faced a few of my deepest fears in my life.  Losing a baby; a husband; a way of life; dreams crushed and hope all but walked off without me. (I felt like a little girl stranded at a big bus station).

There's a saying that starts a sentence with But God, it's not a popular way of starting a sentence if you know anything about proper English way of writing.

But God, keeps showing up! Did you know that God cannot lie?!?  Well, God cannot lie.  It says in Deuteronomy 7:13 that he will love you and bless you.... he will love you and bless you... he cannot lie, he loves you and is blessing you.  Do you feel God near? He wants to whisper of his love.  God has been shouting about his love for you for generations.  God knows you more deeply than any other.  He loves you, can you hear? Take a minute.

  In Jeremiah 31:3 God says, I have loved you with an everlasting love.  

Fear is the opposite of love.  Where there is fear, love is cut off. When I lost all those things, I saw fear come in.  Devouring fear like a  beast tearing at me from the inside, from the outside, consuming my thoughts. But God, he was all I had. God is love, where there is love there is not fear.  Over and over I found myself pouring out my heart to God, my tears, my blubbering through the pain of each circumstance.  He was there in those dark nights of the soul, when I felt I'd made my bed in hell.  God in his love was there.  He is here.  

My biggest fear was to be alone.  I was always worried I'd be left behind.  It probably came from a place of rejection.  So, if I look at my biggest difficulties; they were the times when I was becoming alone.  I didn't have another child or husband, but hope walked back in the door with God.  Hope came in wrapped in the love of God.  

Tonight, after our Advent devotion, Ethan and I were talking. He was saying that if he had a time machine he would go back and tell his younger self to beware of a few things he later has learned. It was an interesting conversation about how things might have been different.  What would I change if I could? 

Not sure I'd change much, because through all the pain the one thing that has remained is this unending love I know through God.  It grows, and I understand it in a different way through each circumstance.  I don't know if I'll ever understand all that I've lived and survived through, but I am growing in knowing God in a way I never dreamed possible. 

God cannot lie. God loves you.

The Lord Bless you and keep you,

The lord make his face shine upon you,

The Lord be gracious to you,

The Lord lift up your countenance and give you PEACE

 

My Dream Adventure

I used to spend Saturday mornings watching HGTV or DIY network shows.  I loved seeing the transformations and dreamed of having a home of my own.  One day, maybe, if my dreams still come true?

Hope builds so quickly in my heart.  

I spent the summer of 2014 looking at places, losing them to a faster bidder, or finding out that they really didn't pass inspection.  I would walk into a 'fixer upper' and dream about how I could make it our home. Well, I could, I just knew it.  I imagined all the things I'd learned on Saturday and how I could put my own spin on them here.  

In my life in missions I loved building homes!  I remember in 1994 being in a rain drenched mud pit, building a home, collecting rocks for the foundation and carrying bricks up the side of a slippery slope to build a family home.  It was crazy hard, but I loved that my labor was for something so significant, it was sacred.  Plus I love that I can say I know how to make cinder block in a mold (who does that). 

My turn came! I found a house, a deal that was only a miracle.  This great 1950's ranch.  If you look at my Facebook albums you'll see loads of projects.  

It hit me sometime during my Saturday morning that I hadn't watched any home improvement shows lately.  I was out on the ladder, painting my shutters.  I'd just finished the front door and porch chairs.  It'd be great to have a crew, like they do on the shows, to get the work done faster.  In the meantime I'm doing what I dreamed of, what I saw slip out of my hands, but I remained hopeful that I would have.  I'm a homeowner, I DIY... 

What are you doing for the holidays?

It's a pretty common question. One that's been biting at me lately. Actually the one that has me bawling like a school girl. A lot 

So, today it was there again, and my emotions were spilling over in grand form. That's when I asked myself why? 

Well, Thanksgiving was with my parents, who are in heaven at their own banqueting table. 

When we lived abroad it was with a community, and I cook, so we'd host everyone we could. 

My expectation was that I would have a big family. Four kids. That dream was from my childhood and I didn't get what I wanted. 

Whoa.. So there it was this root of anger or bitterness or a bit of both? I didn't get what I wanted. My expectations weren't met. It was the pain pressing against my desire that was causing agony instead of adventure. I had just been applauding myself for my ability to forgive. I hadn't forgiven. There's more to forgive & let God heal. 

There's more to forgive and let God heal!! 

So the answer is, I will be watching the Macy's parade; just like every year. Ethan will complain about how long it is & I'll say that its tradition, and I love it. We'll eat turkey and while decorating for Christmas we'll watch National Lampoons Christmas Vacation. I don't know where or who we'll be with. Guess what? It'll be good because I'll be a bit more free from the unforgiveness that has tried to rob me of the anticipation of a great season. 

God's greatest gift is eternal life, live well friends. 

Swept away by Hope

I love the way hope feels, makes me feel, extends to people around me just because I have it.  Ah hope, familiar, sometimes fleeting friend.  
I believe in Christ there's always hope.  I know from experiencing despair, hope feels like a stronger force.  
So, here's my most recent 'hope find'... it's in my new healthy products from It Works!

 I just love the way I feel when I'm drinking my greens; I have so much energy.  When I take this anti-stress called Confianza I can rest, like really rest, it's so sweet!  I'm seeing my weight shift with 2 other supplements, that in itself is a miracle!  
The other way this is bringing me hope is in my finances.  I actually paid off one of my credit cards, so just one to go.  I see, however in this business so many people paying off their houses and sending their kids through school without debt and it thrills me!  How different would my life be if it was about living without the worry of the strain being a single parent has been?  Well, it looks like that is what is coming for us!   
I also see how my life as a missionary, has prepared me for this.  In Christ I saw so many people set free to more fully live.  I believe that as an American living here Christ also wants to set people free from debt, from isolation, from worry.  That's why I want to do this business, I want to be able to tell people struggling, like myself, that there's hope!  Come on, who doesn't want to give that?  
So, I'm a bit swept away by hope, it feels so good.  So refreshing, so freeing.  
Call me: 615-975-1438 and check out my website: www.dunwandryn2.com

What do you do?

I was working the bake sale at church with Ethan, it's a youth fundraiser.  I made this really good New York Style (which is actually German) Crumb cake.  (I'll share the recipe at the end).  I probably didn't sleep well last night, and rushed a bit to get ready and get the cake in individual servings and get out the door.  So, maybe not my best moment.  It felt a bit like a cheese grater against my knuckles, rather than a friendly 'hello'.

It's an innocent enough question, kind of getting to know you blasé really, but today it rubbed me wrong.  The conversation was with a very sweet pastor's wife who informed me that she was a stay at home mom.  So, what do I do?  I went for the short answer.  I work at Vanderbilt.  I schedule surgeries.  She explained how she had worked and her previous jobs.  In my head I was starting to think of all the jobs that I have right now.

I'm a full-time Mom, yes, I work outside of my home as well, but mothering is a full-time job.  I'm also a full-time Dad since covenant was broken, making me the sole provider.  So, as a full-time provider I work at Vanderbilt, and as a part-time provider (which most households have 2 incomes, somehow) I also have a part-time direct sales business called Itworks!  (my website: www.dunwandryn2.com).  Both paying jobs I love.  Vanderbilt for the stability and Itworks! for the creative spark it's giving me and the hope of getting away from corporate work.

I adore being a full-time Mom, THAT is my favorite job.  Seriously, have you met Ethan?  He's a great kid, puts away the dishes and takes out the trash, has even gotten into mopping the floor.   He can tell you information about Marvel and DC Comics that you never knew existed, great at puzzles, board games, and currently building a Lego prison.   Really in love with my mom-job.

So, what do you do?  Huh! I'm the honey on the honey-do list, the constant conversation with myself about the bills, the house, the car.  I'm a Mom, dad, co-worker, sales marketer, friend, sister, aunt.  None of those things explain who I am, not fully.

See, I am the daughter of THE I AM!  I am severely loved by the Creator of love. Nothing that I do or fail at matters to the value that has already been put on my life.  I am so valued that blood was given up just so I would have a chance of experiencing love.

Sometimes the question: What do you do?  feels like it diminishes the person to a worth by our title or position.   As a single mom, I feel like I'm not as productive/valued as I could be with a partner so the question just grates me.  That's until I remember the answer to this one: To Whom do you belong?    Working on belonging.

Crumb Cake Recipe:
2 butter cake box mixes, Kroger has them for $1 each!
1 1/2 cups of your favorite fruit, plums, blueberries, rhubarb, strawberries, all good
3/4 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup soft butter
1 teaspoon cinnamon

First box mix, follow directions on box grease jelly roll pan and bake 350 oven until browned.  Once out of the oven, cool and cut in squares, add to bowl with brown sugar, butter and cinnamon.  Try to resist eating it!  
Second box mix, follow directions on box, grease a 9x13" pan, pour in cake, top with fruit, then top with the first cake crumb mix.  
Bake 350 oven until toothpick inserted comes out clean. 
Once cooled sprinkle with powdered sugar, slice and enjoy with some friends. 
Yes, it's not healthy, but if you love butter, come on!

Coming back to the blog

I think I have so many stories to tell, and I've been asked if I have a blog.  So, here I am blogging again.  I have and instagram account hannahsinspiration if you want to see where this inspiration is coming from.  Remodeling my house and putting in a garden is breathing life into my creativity, I hope to share that with you.  xo