Skipping past Mother's Day

First year Ethan comes to me all upset later in the afternoon.  'Mom! Dad is supposed to be here to help me'... tears of frustration.  Ten year old sweet heart who cuddles in my lap.  It's all good.

Fourth year yelling in Target that he can't find what he wanted; continued frustrations with the addition of hormones.  Urgh.

Our third year was the best!  We were in Thailand so basically skipped it :)  There was a card I think from school, but the celebration bit wasn't a part of the culture that we were living in.  Bliss for me

I like American culture.  I think it's great to honor and celebrate the ones we love and who sacrifice for us.  BUT for a 14 year old boy with some developmental delays it's a burden.  That's not the point of the holiday, I don't think.  At least I don't want to put that kind of expectation on my kid, kind of not the point of the celebration.  

Yesterday at one point Ethan turns to me and says 'I don't even know how to make tea (for breakfast in bed), can we just drive through for doughnuts?'  That's when it hits me.  This poor, albeit overly emotional, kid is feeling the pressure not the joy of the holiday.  

So, I tell him right there in very clear terms that we are skipping Mother's Day!  And we do!  Ethan slept in.  We drove through the fast food place that we never go to and avoid for the clown mascot.  They actually have an egg white sandwich (yum).  I make nacho chicken, Ethan's favorite pasta.  We hang out watching Netflix in the afternoon.  My child was finally at peace after stressing over this day for the last few days.  THAT was a gift.  I'll take it :)  

Mother's Day may become more of a celebration again one day, maybe?  Like when he's older and his wife helps him?  Until then, we're just going to keep skipping past this one.  I love being a Mom, and love my kid and my peace of mind way more than the expectation of perfect Hallmark moments.

Happy Mother's Day!!

Today I went to the movies sans make-up!

Sometimes taking a moment to look back can be a really good thing.  I just looked through my Facebook profile pictures.  It's an interesting chronicle of my life.  I have been on Facebook for years, so many many years.  So, what I've noticed is a growing sense of joy.  My oldest pictures are kind of uncomfortable for me to look at.  I really didn't like myself then; or maybe was just uncomfortable with who I had become(?).    My head was tilted; I was making a weird face; or talking.  I looked puffy.  It wasn't just the weight, but it appears that I was carrying a burden that may have just been sadness.   

So, how does God invade that?  Obviously with a tragedy, right?  Yeah, actually that's how God broke through with joy into my life.  He walked me through a horrendous; made for movie type trauma.  It was not expected, but WOW!  Look at me now.   (Clearly still a work in progress).

I'm thinking of untagging myself simply because I don't recognize who I was before.  I won't.   It continues to be a great reminder of where I've come.  I think that the best years are still ahead of me.  That God in his infinite kindness is perfecting me.  

I'm not totally through the hard things, by the way.  I'm just not scared of the 'what if's' like I was before.  What if I don't have what I need?  What if I don't take along some souvenir from this place; will I forget it?  What if I'm left alone?  Spending some time getting rid of excess stuff, excess baggage and letting fear of 'what if' not control my life has been liberating.  Maybe not quite liberating enough to feel totally at ease without my make-up at the movie :)

This year, the unfurling of my heart has been interesting, joy filled and sometimes plain difficult.  Walking forward with the best partner ever, Jesus (of course); love this journey!

THIS song is so much fun!  I've been dancing to it all week, enjoy :)

Banner song