It was a very tender crust...

We have here in Thailand something called 'butter blend'. It has some milk product in it, somewhere. It's probably most like what would happen if you blended vegetable shortening with actual butter. It has a bit of a funny taste, and it spits at you if you try to fry it, even in a cheese toasty. The cookies turn out great, BUT the pastry, oh my, it's beautiful. If you cut through the whole block of 'butter blend' it crumbles on top of itself, so imagine what that would be like when added to flour and a rolling pin.

I was making a quiche for a welcome 'tea'. I have this huge quiche pan, so let's just say the edges looked a bit like a patchwork quilt rather than a quiche crust. It all baked perfectly, and I served an amazingly flakey crust that I was immensely proud of.

It happened that at the same time I was feeling a bit tender. Circumstances were difficult and I was beginning to wear worry like a favorite tee. There are times when it really feels like 'home' and everyone we love is half a world a way. Well, you are, but then there comes a more desperate moment, and the reminder is right in my face. I felt quite a lot like the crust; rolled a bit thin, and about to break momentarily.

Then I got really sick. I thought it was food poisoning, initially, but it took me out for a week. This was when I was meant to be really busy with work. I was part of a team hosting a business as mission training. I was meant to cook meals, and be involved. I was, however, lying in bed, and getting more acquainted with the loo.

So, what I was feeling was a bit broken, and then totally useless.

Except for me, sometimes getting sick is a good thing. It makes me stop, and there’s a rest that comes with it that heals my body, and in this case my soul too.

In the silence that came during rest God spoke to me. It’s a quiet comfort that he gives lovingly and extravagantly. An awakening of my heart to the awareness of God in me and around me. God not just as my burden bearer, but the one who also carries me forward into a greater understanding of his love. This love that people have tried to capture on paper, but fail to simply because it’s bigger than words or understanding. It’s love that I can touch and feel, and it brings a distracting intimacy.

So, the sickness ended, thankfully, and the worry tee has been put away. God loves me tenderly, and tenderly draws me to repent of carrying the worries of our lives, and then gives me a bigger glimpse of his love. What a beautiful view!

This is the song that has been ‘playing’ in the back of my mind, enjoy!

O the deep, deep love of Jesus

God is real, life has value

I was sitting in class. The teacher, an older Englishman; was telling stories from his experiences in an orphanage in Cambodia. This young girl had been sold at 3 years old for just $10, and then a second time for $100. She now lived in a group home, recovering from a life of sexual abuse, she was now 6 years old. He told how when he passed her in the hall that she immediately lifted her skirt, it was what she knew of men. It was her expectation.

Another story of a boat arriving from Nigeria to the Netherlands. There were 100 girls on board. It is expected that 1/3 of them would make it to the brothels. 1/3 would find themselves homeless on the streets, and the last 1/3... they would be killed and their organs sold. This is the very brutal reality of human trafficking.

God is real, life has value.

I wanted to throttle someone, or to cry out loud.

Then he started a short 'movie'. It was actually the passion of the Christ set to Amazing Grace. I didn't want to watch it. I don't like gorey movies, and I was ready to close my eyes, but something inside of me said look on. So I did. It was horrible. There was blood everywhere, his Mother, his friends, those that mocked. The carnage that went on was intense, overwhelming. There was in me this pit of the stomach feeling. Christ death was ugly, brutal, and hard to 'watch'.

It was for me. It is my sin that drove Jesus to die. His intense love for me. It's not that life in general has value. It's that there's an intimate cry from God that my life, as a particular individual has deepest and most passionate love value. I am loved by my Maker. YOU are loved, and worth every moment of Christ's passionate pursuit.

God is real, life has value. Here's the video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbYLvgQwtGI

a Facebook story.. may need a new washing machine...

Yesterday I took my laundry across the Mu-baahn (neighborhood) to my friends to wash. I drive a bike, currently; so had it laying across my handlebars in a big bag. This morning on my run I was passing a busy corner leading to our street. There's construction on the corner, a lady waiting for a bus, I wave and nod. THEN I see my underwear, yep, right there on the street. Right on the corner. I think for a moment about leaving it behind, but can't. I turn around, now have the full attention of the people around me, and I pick up my underwear. It's always a humbling experience, sharing laundry at a friends, but now I've also shared my laundry with my neighbors, random construction workers, and passersby. Proud, proud day :)

la premiere

What to say first? I have so many stories running through my mind, and sharing them will be my delight. I hope that you enjoy this journey with me!

My verses for 2012 are Psalm 37: 3-7 I can't wait to unpack these words, and what I learn through them, so here they are...

³Trust (lean on, rely on, and be confident) in the Lord and do good; so shall you dwell in the land and feed surely on His faithfulness, and truly you shall be fed.

⁴Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart.

⁵Commit your way to the Lord [roll and repose each care of your load on Him]; trust (lean on, rely on, and be confident) also in Him and He will bring it to pass.

⁶And He will make your uprightness and right standing with God go forth as the light, and your justice and right as [the shining sun of] the noonday.

⁷Be still and rest in the Lord; wait for Him and patiently lean yourself upon Him